Laughing Matters
Before we got engaged, my wife told me that I was “averagely funny.” I was flabbergasted. Only “averagely” funny? Was she even listening to me? Was her sense of humor defective? It was almost a deal-breaker. I persisted in the relationship nonetheless, and I’m pleased to report that she has since worked hard and developed her sense of humor—like a sommelier training her palate—and recognizes now that I’m much more than averagely funny. Obviously.
Although much of my writing here is deadly serious, I have something to admit: I spend an inordinate amount of mental energy thinking about how to make jokes. When drafting a response to a text or e-mail, one of my first instincts oftentimes is to introduce some element of humor. When friends post beautiful photos of beaches on social media, I feel the urge to comment with something like, “Lake Erie sure is beautiful this time of year!” (The shores of Lake Erie in northern Ohio have little in common with Hawaii or the Maldives.)
I enjoy throwing a quirky statement into conversations to evoke a smile or a chuckle. I have a fascination with how comedians do their craft.
I also spend a fair amount of mental energy changing my mind and not making a joke. I suppose I’m self-aware enough to know that humor isn’t always appropriate or appreciated. Some people use humor as a way to put down other people or groups, and I don’t want any part of that. Because I try to be carefully funny, I self-censor frequently. So if you interact with me on a somewhat regular basis, know that the humor I attempt to inject into situations is probably about 10 percent of what’s going on in the carnival of my brain.
Beyond simply liking a good laugh, I’ve come to appreciate that humor matters greatly in life. It helps us cope with stressors. And it matters in terms of how we make sense of situations and in how we connect with other people.
Using Humor to Cope with Stressors
One thing we like to do in social science is to define, measure, and empirically validate different categories of behavior, attitudes, emotions, and other elements of human cognition or interpersonal relationships. Researchers have done this with humor, and they’ve found that there are four ways in which people use humor to deal with stressors. Two of them are positive humor styles; two are negative humor styles.
Positive Humor Styles
The positive humor styles are harmless and cheerful.
Affiliative humor involves using “witty and amusing banter” to connect with other people or strengthen our relationships.
Self-enhancing humor involves finding the humor or positive elements of everyday life as a means to bolster one’s perspective or emotions.
Negative Humor Styles
The negative humor styles are sarcastic and disparaging.
Aggressive humor involves putting other people down or using ridicule including mean sarcasm to make oneself feel better.
Self-defeating humor involves trying to connect with or amuse others but doing so in a way that puts oneself down.
At the risk of over-simplification, using the positive humor styles tends to have better outcomes for one’s stress levels than using the negative humor styles. Although it’s not entirely clear what drives the humor style that a person tends to employ, it’s helpful to categorize humor in this way and to know that some styles are better than others.
Humor as a Way to Make Sense
A key feature of adversity is that it’s often rife with uncertainty and ambiguity. Adverse situations leave us not knowing what’s going to happen next, and they may leave us at a loss regarding what the events mean for us, for those around us, or for our lives. Such situations trigger what’s known in social science as “sensemaking,” which involves the ways in which we try to figure out what’s going on and what it means.
Humor seems to be one tool for sensemaking. My practical experiences, especially those I’ve had in the military, certainly validate this. I’ve encountered a great deal of humor while in uniform, and some of it served as a vehicle for figuring out tough situations or simply as a way to vent frustrations or other emotions.
One research study explored how correctional officers, 911 call-takers, and firefighters used humor. One of their findings is that humor was a sensemaking device that employees used to interpret what their work meant—what stories they told, the lessons they learned, and how they interacted with newcomers. They also found that humor was a key tool for managing emotion and for people to shape how they perceived themselves.
There’s also some interesting research on police officers and firefighters that shows how they use humor as a way to communicate and bridge the gap between their work and non-work lives. They used humorous stories about their work to teach life lessons to their children and as a way to manage their own emotions following tragedies. Not all uses of humor were positive—some uses of humor as a desensitizing tool offended others and damaged relationships. Regardless, humor does appear to be an important tool for navigating difficult circumstances.
Using Humor to Help
Given my reading of the research on humor and my personal experiences in good times and in bad, I think there are a few guidelines for using humor in a productive way. These include:
Use positive humor styles to connect with other people, strengthen your relationships, and to bolster how you see yourself amid tough situations. Even in the most grim circumstances, look for little glimpses of fun or things that make you smile. Although you may not be bursting with laughter, being on the lookout for possible joy makes it more likely that you’ll find it. Humor can help turn the bitter into bittersweet.
Avoid mean sarcasm and disparaging humor. Although they might evoke a laugh, these types of humor likely get in the way of having positive relationships—either with others or with ourselves. In the long run, they can leave us feeling worse and more stressed out than before.
Know your audience. Gallows humor, or humor within grim circumstances, has a long tradition in certain occupations (e.g., medicine, first responders, and more). Such humor likely has a sensemaking utility within those groups, but when taken out of context or used in the wrong settings, it could be counterproductive.
Humor, when used well, has a way of unlocking the imagination, illuminating the absurd, and providing relief. In good times, humor can help us share joy. In bad times, humor can broaden our focus beyond our current hardships and connect us with our fellow humans when we need them the most.
Even if I am only averagely funny, which clearly isn’t the case, it seems to me that humor remains a useful tool across the full spectrum of what we experience in life.
References and for further reading
Blanchard, Anita L., Oscar J. Stewart, Arnie Cann, and Leslie Follman. "Making sense of humor at work." The Psychologist-Manager Journal 17, no. 1 (2014): 49. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-04687-002
Bochantin, Jaime E. "“Ambulance Thieves, Clowns, and Naked Grandfathers” How PSEs and Their Families Use Humorous Communication as a Sensemaking Device." Management Communication Quarterly 31, no. 2 (2017): 278-296. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0893318916687650
Braniecka, Anna, Małgorzata Hanć, Iwona Wołkowicz, Agnieszka Chrzczonowicz‐Stępień, Agnieszka Mikołajonek, and Monika Lipiec. "Is it worth turning a trigger into a joke? Humor as an emotion regulation strategy in remitted depression." Brain and Behavior 9, no. 2 (2019): e01213. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/brb3.1213
Fritz, Heidi L. "Why are humor styles associated with well-being, and does social competence matter? Examining relations to psychological and physical well-being, reappraisal, and social support." Personality and Individual Differences 154 (2020): 109641. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886919305732
Tracy, Sarah J., Karen K. Myers, and Clifton W. Scott. "Cracking jokes and crafting selves: Sensemaking and identity management among human service workers." Communication Monographs 73, no. 3 (2006): 283-308. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/03637750600889500